Loneliness is something we can all struggle with; we can be sitting in our room or we can even be around a group of people. Some of us believe that we are not cool or normal if we do not go out on Friday and Saturday nights. Now I have experienced being alone on these nights and going out on these nights; and I honestly felt more alone when I was out, around a bunch of people.
When I have time to myself, I really try to find out who I am. I get so many thoughts racing through my head, thinking of ways to improve myself and improve other things around me. In those times I am thinking deeply, if I am out trying to have "fun", I am not thinking, I am not improving myself, I am only hurting myself. I believe that if we are complacent, if we are not improving, if we are not growing, we are hurting ourselves. We are meant to grow, it does not make sense for me to say at 22 years old, I am done growing, there is nothing more I need to learn. It does not make sense if you are 16, or 50, or whatever age you are...We need alone time to figure out how to improve ourselves for when we are out in public at our job, in our sport, with our families or with school.
Obviously, being around other people is healthy for us, but it is important that we are around the right people. Because when you are around friends or other people, you can focus more on being entertained and conversations can be one sided where one person talks and one person listens. We do not want to be around people that are going to negatively influence our lives. To some people, it is not obvious that what they are doing is wrong. Because a "friend" or person can convince them that what they are doing wrong, is right. Just because something feels good, does not mean it is right. This is where finding your alone time helps, where you shut out all the outside noise and figure out what is right and what is wrong. Do you REALLY feel good after doing something wrong? Is the good feeling only temporary? Ask yourself hard questions, because it is very rare that other people in your life will do that.
Since high school, I have always done something that my high school coach taught me. He challenged us that every night before bed, to look into a mirror, and ask yourself, did you do your best? I like this exercise because it is a conversation between you and yourself, so there is no reason to lie to yourself, if you do, than that is a whole other issue. But if you try this, and not lie to yourself, you will find out more about yourself. Because we all like to impress our friends and hide bad things from them, so we do not necessarily let people get to fully know us. So there were times where I could not lie to myself, some days I did not give my best, and I would tell myself why and how I am going to do better. Now I live everyday for that moment before bed and more often than not, I am able to tell myself I gave my best. There are days where I will forget to give my best and need to be reminded, but I will never forget to ask myself that question.
We all look in the mirror to see how our hair looks, what looks bad on our faces, how our smile looks, etc. But what about what truly matters? The mirror is not just help us fix our physical appearance, it gives us a chance to look at ourselves and gain a feeling inside of us. Your brain and heart think of things when you look at yourself, and if those feelings are bad feelings, look to fix them. If you feel you are doing something wrong, fix it. Do not believe that you can go throughout your life by getting by with your physical appearances. I know a lot of you do not like change, so you do not change your personality or who you are; but whether you like it or not, your physical appearances will change with age. So look to improve yourself from within, because that is something that can always change for the better. You are not to be known for your physical appearance, you are to be known for the good things that you do. And you will be amazed on how much your physical appearance becomes more attractive when you look to improve your personality and character. I promise you, you will be more attractive than people who look good and do bad.
For me personally, I like my alone time, because I am not alone. I get to talk to God, I get to have a honest conversation with Him. I go to a God that is my answer, that teaches me what is right and what is wrong. No one else can tell me otherwise, if it goes against The Word of God, I ignore it and say it is not for me. There were times in my life where I was surrounded by a lot of people, but completely ignored God. Interesting how in my time alone, I found Him. In my time alone, I talk to Him. In my time alone, He teaches me. But when I was surrounded by people doing wrong things, that is when I really felt alone. If I want to feel good and be entertained, I look for a church before a night club/house party. After leaving the church, I feel a lot better than when I left night clubs/house parties. I get a lot out of church, I got nothing out of night clubs and parties. The goal at church is to find inner peace and learn what is right and wrong. The goal at night clubs and parties is to get drunk and take someone home with you. You will always achieve your goal at church, but you won't always achieve your goals at parties. Say you do get drunk and take someone home with you, how do you feel the next morning? Probably not too good, and if you do feel good, you are going down a road of temporary happiness and true loneliness.
Do not feel bad, do not go try to fit in with people because you think it is necessary. Be yourself, find yourself, and other people will find you. People that will support you, care for you, and love you!
Thank you all for reading! I look forward to hearing your feedback and stories!
Sincerely,
Christopher Edward Perez
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